Before Arnold Schwarzenegger was the Governor of California, he was:
1) Ben Richards (The Running Man)
The film, set in a dystopic year 2019, is about a television show called Running Man, where convicted criminal “runners” must escape death at the hands of professional killers. A smile comes to my face everytime I think of A.S firing Killion through his own billboard… not to mention the very exciting game of hockey.
Yes, it's spandex, don't make me be back!
2) Dutch (Predator)
Despite attempts to track down and trap the extra-terrestrial creature, Dutch’s team is slowly killed off one by one. Finally, Arny gets down hand to claw style with the coolest Alien being in film!
Mud dries quickly and heats to body temp fast just so you know?
3) Conan The Barbarian/Destroyer
A barbarian trained in the arts of war joins with thieves in a quest to solve the riddle of steel and find the sorcerer responsible for the genocide of his people. Snakes + Viagra equals natures deadly arrow.
I loved both of the movie scores as well as the hand drawn dragon/wizard chillin in his Ice Palace in Destroyer.
I could take my shirt of too, I just don't want to.
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4) John Matrix (Commando)
Matrix is enjoying the quiet life in the country with his daughter who we know he loves cause they feed a deer together. She gets kidnapped and Daddy wants to save her, but not without busting out multiple classic one-liners “he’s dead tired”, “remember when I said I’d kill you last, I lied”, “let off some steam Bennett” … you know’em all. I also love the fact he blows the hell out of every building in the compound with no knowledge of where his daughter is being held… he’s just that good… sawblade!
I blew up every building even though I didn't know where they were holding my daughter?
5) Terminator (Parts 1 & 2)
In an emotionless performance, even Keanu Reeves couldn’t match, Arny brings a James Cameron dream/nightmare to life. You know the movies and you’ve had the space-time continuem debate asking did anything change, could anything have changed and how could a movie with Angela Chase in it actually be bad? That last question might just be me “My So Called Life”!!!
Have I been programmed to kill or protect you?
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6) Doug Quade (Total Recall)
Some men now in their thirties might lay awake a night wondering why they have constant dreams about three-b00bed women until late on a Tuesday night Spike TV reminds you of where that seed was planted. Total Recall! Not only would I have choosen brunette and sleazy like Dougy here but I definitely would have tried to grab a quick autograph from Kuato aka Danny Devito?
Not quite as funny without the 'ahhgirgleahh' sounds
7) Captain Ivan Danko (Red Heat)
Moscow’s toughest detective. Chicago’s craziest cop. There’s only one thing worse than making them mad. Making them partners. Hmmm… I like it, let’s pay Schwarz $8 mill, don’t look at me in that tone of voice!
Russian characters in the 80s seemed to lack that comedic flair?
8) Harry Tasker (True Lies)
I’m starting to get sick and tired of staring at the Governator so I’m getting straight to why True Lies was a solid action flick. JLC! She can dance, fall and dance again with the best of ‘em! Also, Bill Paxton revisits some of the panicked, frantic, whiny characteristics from his Aliens character Pvt. Hudson “Where in some really pretty sh@t now!”
You're thinking Arny looks different?
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9) Adam Gibson (The 6th Day)
A Futuristic action about a man who meets a clone of himself and stumbles into a grand conspiracy about clones taking over the world. I feel weird asking myself this but “can I harvest your organs should the need arise” whoa , what, I’m just saying…
I see a $25 million dollar paycheck... neat.
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10) John Kruger (Eraser)
John Kruger (no relation to Freddy) works for the witness relocation program as a U.S. Marshal. His job is to remove all traces of the identity of any witness in the program and to, as called for, eliminate threats against any of those witnesses. “Why US Marshal that’s quite the accent?” Bang!
Well, that’s ten worth remembering I think. Oh, Arnold Schwarzenneger, an actor who started with a heavy accent, seemed to get better in the mid-eighties (probably was doing more takes) and then reverted back to almost incoherent (ask him to say “my new film is entitled Collateral Damage).
psst Arny... that dudes not wearing any pants.
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