This Halloween we have a new scary movie in theaters and another installment from a gorefest series.
Going back there are scores of great, and forgettable, horror films to put you in the holiday spirit. Before you go out this Halloween, ready yourself, for if you happen to find yourself stuck in a horror film, there are ways to survive. It is a longshot, but these helpful tips will help you avoid being the cliché first act death.
10) Don’t be a jerk. Countless on screen deaths are characters that are plain rude and hated. All films have the character that every character and audience member hates, so be genial and don’t get on anyone’s bad side, because you never know if they are the killer. “Saw” films fit this category best.
9) Avoid Stereotypes. Going along with the jerk model, avoid being a stereotype as well. Usually the ditsy blond, any airhead jock, cheerleader or beauty queens are the targets eliminated throughout the film. See “I Know What you Did Last Summer.”
8) Get Outta High School. High school pretty much is torture, so get out of high school as fast as possible. Not just the building as in “Scream” but also through the adolescent years. Most popular teen horrors aim here and many classics play to the demographic. “Nightmare on Elm Street,” “Scream” or even flaky things like “Prom Night.”
7) Don’t Split Up. Your strength is in numbers. Don’t split up and go searching places alone when you know there is a killer. This cliché is always used to kill off several characters in any slasher. “Friday the 13th” series style.
6) Don’t lose your virginity. It happens someday, but don’t pick a time when serial killers are on the loose, or when it’s the weeks near Halloween. Notable kills here include the opening to “Nightmare on Elm Street.”
5) Stay Away from Empty. Don’t go through scary empty places searching for help. Time and time again dark dank sheds, gas stations, barns, and warehouses are lairs for villains. Pick a horror and it probably is in it.
4) Double Kill. No don’t go on a Halo murdering spree, but kill the villain twice to make sure they are dead. I kind of am stealing this from “Zombieland,” but that shows how brilliant that film has the formula down. Also see “Scream” for rule enforcement.
3) Run. Everywhere. Train to be a cross-country star. “Zombieland” cashed in on the rule, so start up that treadmill. You never know when it will be the apocalypse. The only exception here would be if you find yourself at a lake resort, and Jason attacks. If you run, you’re dead anyway, because he can just walk to catch you.
2) Take action and kill back. Most of the time the girl just screams or watches her killer come at her. Why not fight back? Courts will back you up with a self-defense ruling, so go ahead and murder the killer if they are coming at you with some weapon of choice. Only problem may be if you fight a ghost, a zombie that never dies, or even Freddy Krueger who exists in dreams. See “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” here because anyone can hear a chainsaw coming at you.
1) Turn the lights on. It must take a genius to figure out that if you leave the lights on, killers don’t come after you because then you can see them. Invest in flood lights, lots of lamps, and maybe some police flashlights. If there is a daytime murder, it probably is found in a drama, and not a horror. Nickelodeon had it right by calling a show “Are you Afraid of the Dark” (which still haunts me to this day) I’m going to stretch this one out a little and say watch “Alien” and that should teach you to use lights.
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